Being patient was never part of my virtues. On the other hand I consider myself a human with many other qualities.
So now that i have added yoga classes to my everyday routine, my life seemed full. Well, there is always this part of us that says that we need something else and "just one more of those", so that we could feel really sufficient. However I started ignoring these thoughts in my head, since this was just the sound of my ego. I couldn't always mute it, but at least i understood where it was coming from. Once i felt the need for something to happen right away, or the urge to get anything new, i began observing the thought and exploring where is it coming from and why.
As i learned later most of the time such thoughts are directly connected to our need for attention and for our self proving, which is usually connected to how the rest of the world perceives us. But no object will fulfil that void, until we realise that we are enough just the way we are. I wouldn't like to strike-off the self-development part, which is crucial in our human lives. On the contrary. I truly believe in self-improvement. I am speaking about those strange thoughts in our heads that come from time to time, because we think we have to compensate in a way to be more likeable, successful or well-perceived in a word. It's mainly because of the false images that we see on TV, on the marketing campaigns, on advertisements, etc. The sense of belonging and the imperfections and insecurities of humans are used from the marketers in order to gain profits. "Only if you buy this, you will succeed. If you buy our product, they will respect/love/pay attention to you more." All of this is unnecessary and it is only taking up space. Vital space and energy that could be channeled somewhere else.
Yoga taught me how to observe such and every other thought without engaging. I was now able to meditate and relax my mind. Which turned out to be very helpful in stressful situations. Well, but not always. I am still getting used to the habit, but i think i am definitely better at it than before. Exactly on the way home from the island of Bonaire i had a situation that required of me to stay calm and think clearly. I was again in a scene from the action movie that i always think i am part of. Sometimes i get the strange feeling that i am in a project like "Big Brother" or unknowingly starring in "Being John Malkovich", if John Malkovich was perhaps the female Johna Malkovich.
Now I was standing there at the airport, right after spending 14-16-hours in one position, missing the last possible flight back home. Initially, I had to travel from Bonaire- Curaçao- Amsterdam and then to Sofia. But the last flight got cancelled and it was changed in the last minute, due to a snow storm in Europe. So I had to fly from Amsterdam to Vienna and then from Vienna to Sofia. The storm was apparently very serious and the journey to Vienna took longer than planned. And i missed the last flight to Sofia. 7 minutes. Because of a 7 minutes delay. I remembered how i was running around 4 airpots already. At 2 of them barely orientating myself. Now i don't know how i was able to do it. I guess airports are made indeed in such a way, so that even a drunk and or a tired man could get by. But i was exhausted.
Did i mention that all of this happened on 30th December? I couldn't imagine celebrating New Years' Eve at the airport. I got nervous and scared, and anxious. I didn't even think of calming my mind. It happened the exact opposite. Luckily i had a best friend whom i could call. I took a few deep breaths and after talking to Lora i could feel already better. She stayed with me on the phone for as long as i needed. I also messaged my father to ask him for advice, since i knew he had some friends living in Vienna, who could possible help me, if i needed any further assistance. He was already home by taking a different plane. Since he had booked my ticket a bit later, i got other flight conditions which meant different routes. He left 2 hours earlier from the island to catch a different flight.
The battery of the iPhone was getting low. My "physical battery" represented by my body could not take it any more either. Now it was time to show what i learned in those yoga classes and tame my mind. I took some more deep breaths and i saw that it was almost my turn at the airlines' reception. With hiccups i could explain in German that i have just missed my flight due to a transfer. I was dehydrated and already at my limits. I was just looking at the lady at 23:45 and i was not even hoping for anything. I just stood there with my bag on my shoulders, passport in the hand and my big blue moist eyes looking at her with all the hopes in the world. Could she do anything? Was i going to stay at a hotel? Should i buy myself the New Years' Eve champagne already? Are the shops actually working at this time of the day here? Am i hungry? Is it cold?
"5 more minutes. Run." While i was thinking about all the answers, I suddenly heard those words coming out of her. I asked her kindly to repeat. I was too obsessed with my thoughts and i couldn't even hear what she was saying. She was speaking quickly. Just a few words. "You have 5 minutes. Delay of the flight. Sofia. Gate 29. Run". Then i saw a ticket on a paper in my hand. And i started running. (Now i knew in which movie i was taking part in. Who would know?)
And that's what I did. I kept running and running. The airport was empty. No one was to be seen in the corridors. But gate 29 was almost at the end. Will i make it?, I kept asking myself. Then i stopped guessing, because i thought it was slowing me down. And i ran, and ran. I was out of breath, when i finally reached the gate. Again no passenger. I could only see 2 stewards who were waving at me. Obviously i was the last one. With the last drops of energy i could in the end reach them, gave them my ticket. They let me in. I made it. I was at the plane.I couldn't believe it. I felt the tears on my cheeks again as i was searching for my seat. The rush of adrenaline was already down. I was getting calmer. And when i sat down i immediately fell asleep.
I remembered going home to my mother. I couldn't explain anything, but i said that i was very happy to see her again. I kissed her on her cheeks, hugged her and i told her that i would tell her all about the amazing vacation on the island of Bonaire the next day. I left my baggage as it was in the corridor and I went to sleep. The iPhone was left with no battery. But first i had to recharge my own. After that i would take care of everything else. I fell asleep with the thoughts that I still had no plans for New Years' Eve. And the champagne was still missing. But i was grateful for sleeping in a cosy bed in a place where i felt safe. I took another breath i was already in the land of dreams.
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